Last week, I had a friend come to me for advice. She said:

“I’m going to pull my sister aside and tell her what I think about her new boyfriend. He’s not good enough for her. She’s settling. She needs to get out now, before it gets serious and she resigns herself to this kind of relationship forever. How do you think I should say it?”

I responded with my own question:

“Is your sister incapacitated?”

There was a bit of an uncomfortable silence before she asked, “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” I replied, “was there a Britney-Spears-type incident where your sister was deemed by a judge to be incapable of making rational decisions for herself, and you were assigned to step in?”

“Of course not!” She spat back, defensively. “But I love her. And I just want what’s best for her. And she can’t see the forest for the trees right now.”

“If you love her,” I replied, “you won’t tell her what’s best for her. You won’t give her any unsolicited advice at all. Instead, you’ll demonstrate that you trust and believe in her intuition and her ability to make great choices for herself. And you’ll support her in whatever decision she makes. And if that decision leads to a mess for her, you’ll support her while she cleans it up, without ridicule or critical commentary. Because that’s what love actually looks like.”

Last week I shared the first installment of From Vancouver with Love: Love Is a Practice. I talked about what’s driving nearly all of my big life choices and actions at the moment (spending the Endless Summer with my beloved, Jan), and about how I decided at some point in my life to become love.

I wrote this series–on a trip to Vancouver–because I get asked about love and relationships more than any other PrimeTime topic. Because everything ties back to love.

And because love is not something you find, get, receive, or give… it is something you become.

(And if you follow me for branding advice, know that as you build a personal brand and seek visibility, it’s imperative that you see, accept, and love yourself. And self-love, my beautiful friend, is inextricably tied to how you love others and how you live in love. So becoming love IS branding.)

But before you read ahead, you must know that you will not become love until you come to accept a single, fundamental truth:

You can only control or shape your own actions and intentions.
JUST. YOURS.

If you want to become love—and thereby live in love and reap the benefits of beautiful, healthy loving relationships—you must focus ONLY on yourself. Because attempting to affect the behavior of another is fruitless—and any outcomes you are anticipating as a result of a change in someone else’s behavior are utter fantasy.

If you can live with the idea that becoming love is something you first do alone so you can then rock your relationships with others, and you’d like the skinny on how to do that, then read on. Because the things I’m about to tell you are absolute game-changers.

First, love grows in safe spaces.

I want to say that again because it is the foundation of every other principle I will discuss:

Love grows in safe spaces.

If you make it safe for the people in your life to show themselves completely—to act or speak with the full knowledge that you will offer non-judgmental support—you will consistently facilitate a process of expansion. Your love can grow. Your relationships can become love.

But if you do the opposite—if you respond to their words or deeds with critical feedback, condescension, unwanted advice, disdain, flowing negative commentary, or even worse, indifference—you will make it unsafe for them. Or, if you later use the information they share against them (or throw in back in their faces when it’s convenient for you to prove a point) you will make it unsafe for them. And love cannot grow in an unsafe space. Your relationships cannot become love.

This first step in becoming love is so simple it almost sounds stupid:
Stop telling other people what to do.

This applies to your partner, for sure. But it also applies to your friends, family members, adult children, neighbors, the other moms on the PTA, and the lady in front of you in line at the grocery store. This may be harsh—but I’m gonna give it to you straight—if you find yourself consistently telling other people what to do (or thinking to yourself about what they should do, or gossiping to someone else about what they should do) then you, my friend, are the problem.

Unsolicited advice is a love-killer.

It’s the world’s biggest turn-off. It does not lead to expansion…it leads to people closing themselves off, shutting you out, and walking away.

Now, look. I know this is not easy. And I know because, for many years, I was a bossy-ass-mo-fo. And it kept me from being love. It kept me in a place of judgy self-importance and constant disappointment. It separated me from the love I so desperately wanted.

Kicking the unsolicited-advice-habit to the curb gets infinitely easier when you face the truth: telling other people what to do (or how to do it) will never get you what you want.

This is not advice for raising toddlers. I’m talking about love relationships with grown-ass humans, here. And the single best thing about being a grown-up is not having other people tell you what to do. So unless you are also your partner’s direct supervisor in an assembly line job, or unless he or she specifically asks you for advice, it is not your place to offer direction.

You may truly, firmly believe that you know better than your partner, your friend, or your adult child how he or she should slay the day, accomplish goals, raise kids, complete home chores, dress her/himself, or conduct a discussion.

But when you tell another adult what to do or how to do it, you send an enormous message of disrespect. Because every piece of unsolicited advice is loaded with a hidden message:

“In my opinion, you are not qualified to make your own decisions.”

Or, worse yet, “I am smarter and more competent than you. This is not a partnership because we are not equal.”

And where becoming love is concerned, that kind of hidden message is a hard no.

Practicing this first step to becoming love is easier if you take time to understand a super basic concept: you were given a single life to lead. And every grown human you meet was also given a single life to lead. So if you are leading yours, and you’re ALSO leading theirs…
Well, I trust you can see where I’m going with this.

I talk to women who live by the enduring belief that if they stop telling everyone what to do, their lives will devolve into utter chaos. That they are the glue that’s holding everyone and everything together. These women live in a perpetual state of fantasy that is the opposite of love.

If you believe that things will fall apart if others do not bend to your will, I lovingly invite you to practice the first step in becoming love:
Stop telling other people what to do.

At this point you may be thinking, Juju, if I cannot tell people what to do–if I cannot provide feedback, advice, commentary, seemingly-helpful instruction, or what feels like rational evaluation—in order to grow love, what can I do?

And luckily, the answer is simple.

You can simply be quiet. Say nothing. Sing Bohemian Rhapsody in your mind or recite the Pledge of Allegiance silently when the urge to interject strikes.

Or, when your beloved (your partner, friend, adult child…) shares with you, ask them specific questions that make them feel safe and allow you to practice becoming love. Questions like this:

**Is there something I can do for you?
**Are you asking me for my opinion? Or would you simply like to vent?
**How can I help you?
**How can I best be here for you?
**How can I have your back?

Or, you can provide statements that demonstrate support and trust, without condition:

**You’ve got this.
**Trust your gut. Your intuition is strong.
**I’ll be here for you, whatever you decide.
**I’m Team (their name).
**I love you so much.
**Thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me.

When you ask these questions or make these statements, you HONOR and RESPECT the person in front of you. You make it safe for them. And love grows in safe spaces.

Remember this: awareness is the first and most significant step in any type of change. So if you’re working to become love, for the next 24 hours shift your focus to this issue. Become laser-focused on your words, deeds, and thoughts—and see how often unsolicited advice makes its way into your conversations.

And if this speaks to you, then kindly watch your inbox. Tomorrow, I’m going to share STEP 2 for becoming love.

With love, from Vancouver,
Juju

P.S. If you’re working on love in PrimeTime and want to work with me directly, click here to see what other women say about the process, and schedule a Discovery Call. Becoming love is a process. And when someone has your back, you can go further, faster, with greater confidence. And I’d love to have your back.

If you follow me on social media, then you know that I’ve been in Vancouver with Jan—the love of my life and the hottest, hunkiest, smartest, most intriguing human I’ve ever met. July 1st marked 21 years since the day I first set eyes on Jan. And to this day, every time he walks through the door I get the same feeling I did that first day: I want to be with him.

It’s no accident that I still feel this way. He’s still amazing. But there’s something more driving it: I want to feel this way. I relish feeling this way.

So I practice.

The Vancouver trip was also planned as practice—for both Jan and me. We’re practicing our “why.” Our dream. The seemingly crazy (but increasingly probable) future life-state we’ve meticulously planned in bars, coffee shops, and rainy afternoons wrapped up in one another on the living room couch. Vancouver is our first official practice session for (drumroll, please…): THE ENDLESS SUMMER.

In September 2020, Christian will be off to college (God and the Cornish College of the Arts admissions board willing). And Jan and I will be in PrimeTime in an entirely new way. We’ll be alone again. Like we were for those first three years—more than 18 years ago—when we first met. Like we were on my first trip to visit him in Berlin, when we sat in the smoky darkness of Reinhard’s Otello Bar near the River Spree and stared at one another over glasses of Berliner Pilsner while planning our next move…

The present plan is this: the moment Christian is safe and snug in his Seattle dorm room, Jan and I will be on a plane to our first “longish-term” destination. We haven’t decided exactly which city we’ll initially call home, but we have a fairly well-developed list of initial options: Barcelona, Lisbon, New York City, Sydney, Berlin. You can be sure of one thing, though. Wherever we go, it will be sunny and warm. Because the plan is to chase the SUMMER.

Nearly everything we do and every decision we make right now is in service of the ENDLESS SUMMER. In service of living two or three months at a time in different cities where the sun is shining, and long pants are optional, and we can focus on loving life and one another. My entire business has been designed to facilitate the ENDLESS SUMMER.

Why are we practicing?

Because, like every PrimeTime couple in the world with teenage kids, it’s been for-frickin-ever since we’ve lived alone. It’s been what feels like an eternity since it was just about “us.” Because out of the 21 years we’ve been together, 18 of them have been focused on the other human in our house… the one who’s needed guidance, love, attention, money, school supplies, healthy meals (OMG—they need three-a-day for so long), a more-than-occasional kick in the pants or lesson about the realities of life, and the lion’s share of our time and energy.

But more than that, because LOVE, in and of itself, is a practice. It’s like playing the guitar or speaking French or public speaking. The more you do it, the better you get. The more you focus on it, the more skilled and committed you become. The more you master the fundamentals, the nuance, the rhythm, the cadence, the range, the depth and breadth of feeling… the more you enjoy what you make out of it.

Love is a practice. And as Christian starts his senior year of high school, we are practicing like mo-fo’s over here. Rehearsing for the big show…

Somewhere along my way in life, I decided to do love well. I realized it made me deliriously happy—loving and being loved—and I made a choice to master it. I was not always good at it. As a young woman I was needy, co-dependent, manipulative, and filled with self-loathing. So the choice to master love was a bold one. But I weighed the options and determined that the reward was worth the risk involved… and that I would love as many people as I could as hard as I could for as long as I could. And I made the even bolder choice to ALLOW myself to be loved in return.

It was the single best choice I ever made. And today, I can say with total honesty, that loving is my most well-developed skill.

Lots of PrimeTime women talk to me about love. About dating. About marriage. About friendship. About parenting. About building tribes and making loving connections with their brands and businesses. About giving love and FEELING WORTHY TO RECEIVE IT. Love—in some form or another—floats to the top of nearly every coaching call or strategy session I have.

So in this, my next series of messages to you, I want to talk about LOVE in all its forms.

Because love, my friend, is not something you find. It’s not something you fall into. It’s not something you receive. It’s something you BECOME. And PrimeTime is the perfect time to BECOME someone new.

Love is a practice.
How many hours will you put in today?

With love, from Vancouver.
Juju

Turning pro is a mindset. If we are struggling with fear, self-sabotage, procrastination, self-doubt, etc., the problem is, we’re thinking like amateurs. Amateurs don’t show up. Amateurs crap out. Amateurs let adversity defeat them. The pro thinks differently. He shows up, he does his work, he keeps on truckin’, no matter what.
–Steven Pressfield

On Friday I reached out to my coach in a moment of total weakness and vulnerability. I told her I was lazy and undisciplined. I asked her if she could give me some exercises to fix it. To FINALLY help me turn my life around so I wouldn’t procrastinate any more.

She chuckled. Not really AT me. But sort of under her breath.

And then she sent me an email with a detailed list of all of the things I’d completed in the seven days prior. The list included a huge push to complete a bunch of projects in advance, so I could have sinus surgery. Then actual surgery. Then a big push (post-surgery) to prepare our house for a German family coming to stay. Then the actual hosting of that family. And in between, all of my coaching calls and daily work activities (which I’d completed while I was at about 50% power).

After that, she contacted me through messenger and asked if I still wanted to talk about how lazy and undisciplined I am.

And then I chuckled.

But this is how it happens for me (and I know I’m not the only one):

I set incredible expectations for myself with arbitrary deadlines that border on the ridiculous. And then I wake up and flog myself because I don’t meet them.

I look away from my work for more than a day or two, and it feels like I’ve been gone forever and the sky is falling and I have to start from scratch.

I begin a project and expect IMMEDIATE results. And when I don’t see them, I begin to catalog the reasons why I am a loser.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I’M A COACH.
I help OTHER people deal with this kind of shit.

But here’s what I know: these self-judgments that I’m lazy, undisciplined, unruly, uncommitted, less productive than other people… they are the GRAND CANYON for me. These stories are so deep and so dark (and developed over the course of so many years in my life) that if I’m not careful, I can fall right into them and get lost for days.

You may not play THESE particular stories on a continuous loop as I do in dark moments. Yours may be that you’re a quitter. Or you’re not creative. Or you don’t fit in. Or you’re anal-retentive and anxious. Or you’re unattractive and irritating. Or any number of other nasty self-assessments that bear very little resemblance to the truth.

It doesn’t matter what they are. For you or for me. It only matters that each of us has her own Grand Canyon. And each of us walks dangerously close to the edge from time to time.

You know what else I know? These stories are not going away. The little voice in my head that prattles on about me being a whole lotta nothing is part of me. She’s a bitchy little thing. But she’s all mine.

Thankfully (for you and for me), there’s a third thing I know: over time, we can practice and develop a mindset that will lift us like a rescue helicopter OUT of that Grand Canyon, and set us right back to safety. Far enough away from the edge that we can run and skip again.

That mindset is required in order for us to build big brands.

In order for us to show ourselves completely.

In order for us to be seen and heard without cracking wide open.

In order for us to stay in the game—to show up for more again and again when things don’t go exactly as planned.

In order for us to go NEXT LEVEL.

BRANDING IS AN ACT OF BRAVERY.

If you’re getting lost in your own Grand Canyon, I want you to meet in Mission Bay, San Diego in October for the PrimeTime Essence Experience. I wanna talk about the mindset. The one that’s gonna be your rescue helicopter.

So you can put yourself out there for everyone to see. Even on the days you want to jump.

I love you so.
Juju

Last night I became transfixed by a new series on Showtime about the music producer, Rick Rubin. The four-part series is named for his ethereal Malibu, California studio, Shangri-La, which has served as a “blank slate” for musical brilliance since the late 1960’s.

I was hooked in the first five minutes. And three hours past my bedtime, I was disappointed when it ended.

Rick Rubin has been a fixture in the music that’s defined my life. He made records with LL Cool J, Run DMC, The Cult, The Black Crowes, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Mick Jagger, Tom Petty, Johnny Cash, AC/DC, Nine-Inch Nails, Sheryl Crow (and that’s just a sampling from four of the forty years he’s been producing.) He has an undefinable gift—an extraordinary talent—for facilitating self-development in artists.

In a nutshell, he creates space and a carefully-crafted environment for artists to be their “best selves.”

In an interview with LL Cool J (who still—after thirty years—can smile and cause my heart to skip a beat), Rick Rubin says something so eloquently simple about the creative process that I rewound it and listened again and again. Here’s the exchange:

 L Cool J: What increases the chances of writing a great song?

Rick Rubin:

Just practice. And being diligent in the process of always looking. Always looking for the next best song. Not thinking, OK, I need 10 songs, I’m gonna write ten songs. You might need to write 50. You may need to write a thousand to find ten good ones. It’s like fishing. You can’t say you’re gonna catch fish. But you can show up and fish every day, and your chances get better. The more you fish, the more fish you’ll catch.”

This fishing mindset? It’s everything when it comes to putting yourself out there and connecting with your audience. EVERYTHING.

If you show up to fish every day, you’ll dramatically increase your chances of connecting with those you want to serve. Of “catching” their attention, and touching their hearts.

I created THE PRIMETIME ESSENCE EXPERIENCE—my October branding retreat—as a PREMIUM, EXCLUSIVE FISHING EXPEDITION.

It will be right here—on San Diego’s Mission Bay, surrounded by a group of amazing PrimeTime talents, and inspired by love, expert training, and carefully crafted exercises–that you’ll encounter an impeccable space and ideal environment to BRAND YOUR HEART AND SOUL.

It’s a full three-days of the most SPECTACULAR kind of fishing…

Showing up.

Putting yourself in the creative flow.

Being present to acts of bravery by PrimeTime women.

Diving into a community of support and encouragement.

Developing stories that truly engage your prospects.

Getting in touch with your true essence so you can attract your most ideal clients.

Opening your mind and heart to how you’re utterly, fantastically different.

Coming to grips with the size of your own potential, and a vision for bringing it to the world.

Practicing the sales process and falling in love with the act of bringing on new clients.

Give a woman a fish, and she’ll grill it with lemon and capers for an awesome dinner…

Teach her to fish, and she’ll increase her level of visibility, influence, impact, and income… forever and ever.

Grab your spot at THE PRIMETIME ESSENCE EXPERIENCE

But do it today. Because EARLY BIRD PRICING ENDS THIS WEEK and there are only 50 TOTAL SEATS AVAILABLE

You don’t want to miss out on the best fishing this season.

I can’t wait to help you be your very best self.

Straight from the heart,

Juju

When I first started working with my client, Rebecca (real woman—fake name), she told me that she’d been losing business. More specifically, the enrollment in her pre-school was down. And she needed to bring in a new group of kids quickly, or the business would begin to suffer financially.

What’s more, Rebecca had been out of her business for some time. While she still owned and operated the pre-school she’d purchased nearly three decades earlier, she hadn’t been present to it in a number of years (she’d been kickin’ back and bein’ grandma). And she wasn’t sure what levers to pull in order to make things happen quickly.

Rebecca is positively PRIMETIME. She just turned 62. She’s an awesome implementor. She’s got the patience of a saint (she owns a pre-school, for goodness sake!) and is so delightfully pleasant to be around that I can’t wait to call her each week.

Rebecca is NOT, however, many of the things we think we must be in order to slay in business today. She’s not especially tech-savvy. She’s not a social media maven—in fact, it’s very new to her. She’s not experienced with marketing or advertising. She doesn’t have a blog, a podcast, an email list or a “following.” And she’s not working 60 hours a week, burning the midnight oil to make her business work.

Despite all of that, Rebecca solved her problem inside of 90 days. She replaced the students she’d lost and then added THREE TIMES AS MANY more, before she ever had to worry about the financial consequences of not doing so.

And here’s the clincher:
>>She did not advertise.
>>She did not do a big social media “campaign.”
>>She did not buy leads or make marketing investments.

Instead, she developed the three things that all great brands have:

–The RIGHT mindset for increased visibility and influence,
–The RIGHT message for impact and sales, and
–The RIGHT platform for her to deliver that message.

She revitalized her business and exceeded her goals by 300% in less than 90 days. Working part-time. At age 62.

Rebecca is wonderful and I love her. But she doesn’t have superpowers. She’s just like you and me. And if she can do it, you can do it, as well.

I’m hosting a LIVE FREE TRAINING about these three very specific aspects of branding. I’ll talk more about Rebecca and a couple of my other clients who are crushing in much the same way. PrimeTime women who mastered mindset, message, and platform and changed the trajectory of their businesses as a result.

Grab your seat for the training here.
But do it quickly. There are only 100 seats available.

And at the end, I’ll do a LIVE Q&A where you can ask me questions specific to YOUR business and YOUR situation.

Sign up.
Show up.
And then blow up.

Rebecca is one in a million. But her results surely don’t have to be.

Straight from the heart,
Juju

“To have that sense of one’s intrinsic worth… is potentially to have everything.” -Joan Didion

I used to cry on Sunday nights.

When I was 29, my roommate, Scooby, and I had a Sunday tradition. We’d wake up in our house on Balboa Island in Newport Beach and head up the freeway, through the traffic on the 405, past Santa Monica and up Highway 1 to Malibu. The drive is breath-taking, and as we’d inch closer to Duke’s and Paradise Cove, with the waves crashing to our left and the sun beaming through the windshield, everything we loathed or feared just fell away.

We’d spend the day with friends, laughing, drinking, playing hard… and then sober up and make the two-hour drive home through Sunday night traffic. It was always nearly bedtime when we’d walk through the front door. And by the time I had my face washed and my head on the pillow, the tears would begin.

I hated my job as a marketing executive in the financial industry. I’d worked my ass off to make it to the very corner office I dreaded. I hated the suits and the shackles and the rules and the pressure and the politics and the nonsense. Most of all, though, I hated that I couldn’t be myself. I was a loose cannon. A ticking time bomb. And I always knew, as I’d lie there on Sunday nights with tears streaming down my face, that it wouldn’t be long before my time was up.

And I was right.

Within five years I was married to the love of my life with a new baby boy and a business of my own that was just beginning to boom. And for the first ten years or so, I loved the shit out of that agency. I loved the freedom and the resourcefulness, the high-level problem solving and the client strategy sessions, the talented team of up-and-comers and the magnificent things they’d create.

But as time went by, the Sunday night tears returned. Only this time, I was nearly 49. And the sobs were born not from pressure, but from weariness. Not from shackles, but from choices that had run their course. On Sunday nights I cried because I saw an endless stream of Mondays before me, each one becoming less powerful and less productive than the one before.

I cried because I was through my prime… and my time was up. Because I wanted more, but I couldn’t even say what that looked like.

As I think about it now, it seems absurd.
Because now I know that this is PrimeTime.
Because I’ve built a new business and brand to support the size of my POTENTIAL.
And because I’ve unpacked the world’s most beautiful gift: a life that’s built from HEART and SOUL.

It’s Sunday afternoon, and I’m on fire. The San Diego sun is shining and Groove Armada is playing on the stereo. Diego the big, fat wonder-dog is lying next to me as I plan my upcoming week. And while I’m prepping for my client appointments and the interviews I’ll give, for my masterclass on Wednesday and live workshop on Thursday, I can’t help but think how LUCKY I am to get to do what I LOVE. How motivated I am to help PrimeTime women see their own potential. How TURNED ON I am by watching my clients break through and step up and ROCK their own worlds.

So look, my friend… If Sunday nights make you weary, or teary, or pissed off and resentful… meet me on Wednesday at my FREE LIVE TRAINING.

I’ll show you what it means to live and work from HEART and SOUL.

I’ll show you how to build a brand and business to support the size of YOUR potential.

I’ll show you what to do when you feel like your time is up, and you’re ready for more but you don’t even know what the hell that looks like.

And I’ll show you how to put the FUNDAY back in SUNDAY.

Meet me HERE on Wednesday. Because this is your PrimeTime, Baby. And you are everything.

Straight from the heart,
Juju

“A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.”

-Coco Chanel

When I was a little girl, I was a natural leader. Painstakingly organized behind a vision for most every event I attended or planned, I was generally out in front, making things happen. I have vivid recollections of my role as manager/director as part of my earliest childhood memories. From the time I could write I was making lists and drawing flow charts and diagrams with boxes labeled by category. I have a penchant for clipboards. I once got a whistle for a gift.

Even more vivid than my early memories of organizing groups is the sound of my mom’s voice as she called me away from the neighborhood kids or my brothers and into the kitchen: “Julia, can you come in here for a moment?”

As I’d sheepishly step forward, she’d wag her finger at me and say,

“Juju, your voice is the only voice I can hear from the other room. Why are you so LOUD? Do you have to be so BOSSY?”

I must have been five when I first heard that.

I was in my early 30’s when my husband and friends dubbed me (ever-so-lovingly) “The Minister of Social Policy” for our group.

As my father lay dying of cancer and I barked orders at the movers delivering the motorized reclining bed to his room, he looked at me wryly and said, “Look at you… always the Executive Director.”

When a group of German GSG9 soldiers stayed at our house years ago, they nicknamed me The Little General.

When I relive these moments—and scores of others like them—they provoke a swift and automatic sense of burning shame within me. A welling in my chest, hard like a fist and heavy like a boulder. These physical and emotional responses are nearly instantaneous, and each and every time they hit me I’m taken aback by their intensity.

It’s only now, at 52, that I can separate the way I feel about myself from the way I felt in the moments when one of my greatest strengths and personally-defining attributes appeared as an ugly stain.

Don’t get me wrong. This shame did not stop me from becoming a leader. In school I led clubs and cheerleading squads, ski trips and youth groups. During my corporate career, I Ied teams, departments, initiatives, events, and institutional change. For nearly 15 years, I led my own agency and myriad projects to re-brand and re-launch client corporations.

For decades I managed to live with a sort of cognitive dissonance around my gifts. They served me. And I hated ‘em.

But it wasn’t until I decided to brand MYSELF that I realized choking on shame around the core of who I am was never going to work.

Because branding is an act of bravery. And getting up every day and putting myself out there requires me to BACK myself. To PROMOTE myself. To RESPECT myself. And dare I say it… to LOVE myself.

It’s one thing to make shit happen on behalf of a client–to set standards, or request commitments from suppliers, or demand a well-executed plan because a CLIENT needs it. And quite another to require such things on behalf of myself.

It’s one thing to submit a proposal to a multi-billion-dollar corporation for strategic branding services, and quite another to look a woman in the eye and tell her what it costs and why she should work with me one-on-one as a coach.

In order for me to succeed at the level I want to play, I need to SHOW UP COMPLETELY. And even though I still have moments where I feel inexplicably gut-punched as I step onto a stage or provide constructive feedback to a team member or write a call-to-action saying, “…but do it now, because it won’t last long,” I STILL DO THOSE THINGS.

Because at 52 I KNOW that bossy Juju is Juju in all her glory.
And I also know that the thoughts, the memories, the gut reactions and the irrational fears will NEVER stop. I am hard-wired for these reactions. My insecure thoughts around my inner “Head Bitch In Charge” run as deep as the Grand Canyon.

I cannot stop the thoughts.
But I can sure as hell stop allowing them to dictate my actions and define the scope of my success.

You know why I’m sharing this?

Because I have this conversation with clients NEARLY EVERY DAY. Every PrimeTime woman I know who’s building a brand is stepping over some sort of shame, apprehension, second-guessing, or hiding around the very thing that makes her great.

Nearly every woman I know feels embarrassment or reticence around SLAYING her own competitive advantage.

Every PrimeTime brand I’ve helped to build is the result of some serious work around BEING SEEN AND HEARD.

BRANDING IS AN ACT OF BRAVERY.
If you want to increase your level of visibility, income, impact, or influence, you’ve gotta OWN THAT SHIT.

You’ve gotta put it on and wear it around like a fucking TIARA.

You’ve gotta get out of your own way and give the world what you were born to deliver.

So I’m not feeling one bit badly about TELLING you to come to my LIVE training next week.

You should show up live.

You should take 90 minutes out of your day to learn about the MINDSET you need to go next-level.

You should take the time to learn what triggers you (about you) that’s keeping you small.

You should let me be your mirror and show you what an absolute QUEEN you are.

And you should meet an entire group of women who are learning to step through their own fears and into their greatness every day.

There are only 100 seats at the training.
Grab one.
Show up.

So you can show yourself completely.

Straight from my big, bossy heart,
Juju

P.S. In next week’s FREE LIVE ONLINE TRAINING, I’ll show you how to FALL IN LOVE with the very thing that makes you different than everyone else. How to step through the discomfort of COMPLETELY SHOWING the core of your heart and soul. So you can build a brand that changes the world. Grab your spot here. And do it now. Because seats are limited.

This morning I got an awesome email from my homeowners insurance company. I love them. 

Seriously. My HOMEOWNERS INSURANCE COMPANY turns me on.

And here’s the crazy part: I’ve never even spoken to them. 

They light me up from a distance. (And before you blow this off and say, “Oh, Juju’s a brand nerd and she gets turned on by shit that’s totally boring to me,” hear me out. Because this is NOT your ordinary homeowner’s insurance.)

So, last year the hubby and I sold our family home in Arizona and bought a little love-nest condo on the golf course. We’re planning for the day next year when our son leaves for college (SCORE!!!) and we can work around the world and chase the endless summer. Anyway, it was my job to call around and get insurance quotes. Which sucks, really. Shitty job. As pleasurable as a root canal…

And then I came across a Google ad for Lemonade. This is what it said:

Forget everything you know about insurance.

Instant Everything.

Killer prices.

Big heart.

Big heart? Whatever. 

But I’m a sucker for a great differentiator, so I leaned in.

Every bit of it was true. I downloaded an app to my phone. And I had insurance in about 10 minutes. Never spoke to a soul. 

But THIS is where it all gets interesting: Lemonade is a “social impact” company. They “reverse the traditional insurance model.” Essentially, we pay premiums, they take a flat fee and pay claims out of the premium, and anything that’s left over goes to charity. 

They give the left-over to charity.

And they let me choose the cause that my premiums support. (I chose measures against human trafficking.) 

It was SO SIMPLE that I thought it might not be real. So I Googled some more, just because I felt like insurance should involve at least a LITTLE BIT of pain. And they checked out.

Never thought about it again.

And then this morning, I got an email from them. The subject line said: “warm and fuzzy.” (WTF? Did you ever get a “warm and fuzzy” from your insurance company?) And they showed me what I was part of. 

CLICK HERE to see what they did. (When you open this web page, it will look like a white screen with a headline. As you scroll down, the goods will appear.) Check it out. Then meet me back here at this email, so we can talk about it…

PRETTY F’IN COOL, RIGHT?

This company differentiated themselves in THREE CRITICAL WAYS:

1. Ease of transaction
2. Pricing
3. Social impact

They gave me THREE SOLID REASONS to choose them over the big boys. 

But you know what it all boils down to? HEART AND SOUL.

Lemonade brands and operates from heart and soul. And they touched mine.

Today I’m sending tens of thousands of people an email about feeling “warm and fuzzy” over homeowners insurance. A product that most people would choose SECOND to chewing broken glass.

What are you doing that’s making your customers tell people about you? Where’s the heart and soul in your brand that helps folks CHOOSE you? Where’s the warm and fuzzy? What are your customers PART of? What have you reinvented or re-tooled or turned upside-down?

Whose fancy did you tickle this morning?

I love you so.
Juju

P.S. Heart and soul is where it’s at, my friend. And if you want a brand that’s rich with both, I’ve got you covered. You can meet me and 50 PrimeTime women in San Diego for the PrimeTime Essence Experience. The entire 3-day experience was created for you to explore the heart and soul of your brand. Or, we can work together one-on-one as you build a brand that lights folks up  (Click here to see what other women are saying about working with me… and to schedule a discovery call.) Make your customers wake up and talk about you. It’ll change their lives…and yours.

In 2015, I closed shop at my corporate branding agency and decided to try my hand at marketing myself. More specifically, I decided to become an “overnight, global, Internet sensation.” It was a bold move. And when my husband asked me how long I thought it would take, I estimated five years.

I anticipated a LOT of things when I made the switch from “real to virtual” where my business was concerned. What I did not anticipate was all of the ridiculous and meaningless emphasis on figures. More specifically, “six-figure” and “seven-figure” companies.

Since the day I signed up for Marie Forleo’s B-School (my entrée into the digital marketing space), I’ve been pitched HUNDREDS of times in advertisements by consultants and agencies who tell me they can take my business to “six-figures” (and at least the same number who can take it “from six-figures to seven”).

Are all of these companies full of shit? It’s hard to say, really.

But the premise upon which they’re basing their promises is entirely meaningless.

So if you’re feeling badly about not having the perfect figure… stop it right now.

First of all, these “figures” everyone is talking about are revenue numbers. That’s the amount of sales your company makes. And what anyone in the real world of business understands is that revenue is POINTLESS without also understanding expenses. It’s the management of the gap BETWEEN revenue and expenses that make one an actual businessperson. It’s in that gap that we find our house payments, car payments, vacations, retirement funds, and college tuition for our kids.

But you won’t hear these hucksters talk to you about profitability or return on investment. Because those would be REAL promises that would require REAL long-term strategies. And ain’t nobody flashing around headlines that say, “Work real hard. Build your business over time.” What’s sexy about that?

Revenue numbers, alone, are meaningless. There are plenty of business owners with millions in annual sales who bring home less than $100K. And there are PLENTY of businesses—especially online enterprises—that spend more than they make. Or barely break even…

I know, because I’ve been in lots of groups with folks who tell me they’re “seven-figure-earners” and can’t afford a $200 hotel room. I’ve met guys who lease Ferraris based on their “figures” who can’t stay in the game longer than a year. I’ve met folks who had a “fifty-thousand-dollar month” with a launch that cost $40K… and nothing else all year long.

So regardless of what anyone tells you about your figures… you gotta focus on the RIGHT ONES for them to have any meaning.

And you have to get real about how long it will take and what you’ll have to put into it.

Think of five women who have businesses you admire. The ones who are really doing it right.

Did they blow up in a summer? Have six weeks to MASSIVE long-term success? Did they make it big because they built the right funnel or uncovered the “single secret no one is talking about” or “the proven method to fill your client calendar with no marketing expense?”

I already know what you’re gonna tell me.
They did not.

Long-term sustainable profitability doesn’t come from understanding how to use a marketing tactic any more than fine art comes from understanding how to use a paintbrush.

So if you’re feeling pressure to have the perfect figures, you can let that go right now.

Instead, focus on finding a NEED in the marketplace. Focus on understanding what people want and what will make their lives better. Focus on knowing and understanding those people inside and out. And focus on giving them what they need in a way that’s utterly delightful, entirely memorable, and different than the way anyone else provides it.

You know what’s more important than great figures? Heart and soul.

Straight from the heart,
Juju

Earlier this week, I was interviewed for a podcast by an amazing PrimeTime goddess named Joanne Smith. And she said something to me that I hear quite often—and that lets me know I’m on the right track:

“Juju, when I get your emails, I know they’re going out to hundreds or thousands of people, but I feel as though you’re talking DIRECTLY to me.”

This is not an accident. I just met Joanne on Monday, but I have her in my mind—and more importantly in my heart—when I write each and every email.

And if you want your ideal clients to really hear your message, you must deliberately hold your clients in your mind and heart and speak DIRECTLY to each one.

HOW?

By jumping into the conversation that’s already going on INSIDE THEIR HEADS.

Most of the business owners I coach understand that they’re speaking to an “ideal client” with specific hopes, dreams, fears and frustrations. Yet the conversation they’re starting in their emails and their marketing is just ONE STEP AWAY from what’s actually happening in their potential client’s head.

Here’s an example:

I recently asked a client what her customers really WANTED. And she told me, “They want to feel integrated. They want to feel aligned with their core values.”

Guess what this client sells?
That’s right. She sells coaching around core values.
Undoubtedly, this is a valuable service, and she’s damned good at it.

But my question to her was this: “Do you really think folks are opening their eyes in the morning and thinking to themselves, I hope I can stay aligned with my core values today; I’m feeling very desegregated from my deepest beliefs and desires?”

Her clients are NOT thinking this. They’re thinking about how being disconnected from their core values FEELS and SHOWS UP in their lives.

They’re thinking:

I hate my job. I’m exhausted from showing up every day and doing things I don’t want to do.

I’m so pissed off at Jim, but I can’t speak up. I feel stuck. If I say what I think, he’ll leave.

Why do I keep sabotaging myself? Why can’t I stay on task?

There’s so much on my plate, I can’t get everything done. I’m completely overwhelmed. Everything is falling apart.

Aligning with core values is the ANSWER to the questions in her customers’ minds. Not the question. In order to really speak to folks as though they’re the only ones in the room, she needs to go just ONE. STEP. FURTHER. with the conversation

There are lots of ways to get to the conversations going on in your potential clients’ minds. But the most effective way is to just ASK them.

I talk to PrimeTime women entrepreneurs every day. The fears and frustrations they experience are in many ways universal. The hopes and dreams they are pursuing are common in the second act of life. The feelings that take them down or stand in the way of their success are articulated to me over and over by different women. They beliefs they have around their worth and their value as they age are insidious and collective.

What many of these women don’t realize is that they are not alone. And the moment they realize it—the moment I hold them in my heart and demonstrate that I HEAR them and I UNDERSTAND them—they feel safe and loved.

That might feel a little woo-woo for you. Safe and loved? Really, Juju??

But let me ask you: How do you feel when someone really listens to you?

How do you feel when someone says, “I know how you feel. I’ve been there. That sucks for you. I’m here if you need me.”

How do you feel when you meet someone who GETS you and will never judge you for who you are?

How do you feel when you meet someone who finishes your sentences, seems to know exactly what you’re thinking, and feels just like you do?

This is how your potential clients should feel. It’s not a manipulation or a sales tactic. It’s an earnest attempt to really understand the thoughts that keep them up at night—or the dreams that keep them going.

What’s the conversation going on inside your ideal client’s head? Are you talking to her about things that matter? Are you holding what she really cares about in your heart?

With so much love,
Juju

P.S. If this kind of messaging is something you long to create, meet me and 50 PrimeTime women business owners in San Diego for an incredible immersion branding experience: THE PRIMETIME ESSENCE EXPERIENCE. Brand your heart and soul. When you’re finished, you’ll be able to speak directly from your heart and soul to the conversations happening inside your ideal clients’ minds. But don’t delay. There are only 50 spots. And they’re going fast.