Last week I coached a client who is a marriage and family therapist toward a new program to help moms who are suddenly working from home AND locked up homeschooling their kids. I suggested this because everywhere I looked, I saw moms struggling. I heard them asking for guidance, support, tools, tips, and information. And I knew this client had each and every one of those things to offer… in massive abundance.

So I told her to create a program.

She told me she felt she should do it for free. She felt guilty charging for her services—she worried that people would say she was “opportunistic.” She runs a single-person business. Without sales, she has no business.

I urged her to price fairly and give incredible value. But NOT to give her services away for free.

Yet still, when she developed the program and offered it to her colleagues to share with their lists (all of whom are serving women who would benefit from exactly this kind of service) she had the very push-back she’d hoped not to hear. The push-back was filled with moral judgment about what she “should” do in “times like these.” About what was an appropriate time to wait before selling. And about how she shouldn’t “take advantage.” (She also got some enthusiastic “YES” responses.)

And for a moment… she wavered. But I told her what I KNOW to be true. And I want to invite you to the same truth—in this moment—if you’re even HAVING A HINT OF A THOUGHT that it’s immoral to run a business in a crisis.

I’m gonna go right ahead and call bullshit:

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Last week I coached a client who is a marriage and family therapist toward a new program to help moms who are suddenly working from home AND locked up homeschooling their kids. I suggested this because everywhere I looked, I saw moms struggling. I heard them asking for guidance, support, tools, tips, and information. And I knew this client had each and every one of those things to offer… in massive abundance.

So I told her to create a program.

She told me she felt she should do it for free. She felt guilty charging for her services—she worried that people would say she was “opportunistic.” She runs a single-person business. Without sales, she has no business.

I urged her to price fairly and give incredible value. But NOT to give her services away for free.

Yet still, when she developed the program and offered it to her colleagues to share with their lists (all of whom are serving women who would benefit from exactly this kind of service) she had the very push-back she’d hoped not to hear. The push-back was filled with moral judgment about what she “should” do in “times like these.” About what was an appropriate time to wait before selling. And about how she shouldn’t “take advantage.” (She also got some enthusiastic “YES” responses.)

And for a moment… she wavered. But I told her what I KNOW to be true. And I want to invite you to the same truth—in this moment—if you’re even HAVING A HINT OF A THOUGHT that it’s immoral to run a business in a crisis.

I’m gonna go right ahead and call bullshit:

I have seen multiple posts on Facebook and in groups suggesting to entrepreneurs that we stop pitching or selling during Coronavirus. Or that we should “put a pause on asking” for any arbitrary amount of time.

IF YOU OWN A BUSINESS, FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THESE POSTS.

We work to survive. We are not the Red Cross. We do not have donors or grants or government support. It is not a moral edict that we should turn our businesses into charities.

Be useful. Be kind. Be of service. Be fair.

Selling your services during a time of crisis is not opportunistic. Buying 17,000 bottles of hand sanitizer and re-selling them for $20 each is. Raising your prices for essential items is.

Selling your services during a time of crisis may be more difficult. There’s noise. There’s sorrow. There’s sensitivity. There are giant swaths of people who have taken financial knocks.

There are also new challenges for people to face. New opportunities to serve. New problems to solve. New holes to fill.

We provide strength, support, information, products, guidance and strategy that are vital during times just like this.

When you “put a pause” on your business “because you can,” you send a signal to your clients that they should do the same. And you must realize they may not have the same privilege. 

Instead, MODEL the selling behavior that the world needs right now. Sell your products and services ethically.

Be mindful. Be kind. Be strong. Be compassionate.

Be a leader.

And tune out the noise and the messages that provide arbitrary moral codes and judgment. Do your thing. So you can come out on the other side still having a thing to do.

It’s 4:30 a.m. in Boston and I’m wide awake. My husband, Jan, and I are at The Hilton with our son, Christian, so he can audition for music school today. The gamut of emotions is so wide and so deep… the lessons so rich… there are a thousand themes I could write to you about as I’m holed up here in the bathroom.

But as I sit here on this cold tile floor listening to Jan breathe in the room outside and waiting for Christian to wake next door, I know there’s only one message that matters. For Christian, and for all of the women I coach through situations just like this one:

Attraction is singular.

Berklee College of Music—where Christian will audition this afternoon—is a monumental stretch for him. It’s the most prestigious music school in the country. And Christian was not a child prodigy. Nor was I a tiger mom who shuttled him to daily practice or demanded excellence. He didn’t even play an instrument as a child. He stumbled upon the guitar when he was about 14—when a wonderful teacher put a bass in his hand and urged him out onto a stage. And since that day, it’s been fully his pursuit.

The guitar is Christian’s safe haven. It’s his outlet for angst and rage. It’s his expression of love, wonder, and soul-level complexity. It’s how he pushes back and rebels against life’s requirements and rules and shackles. It’s how he keeps his restless hands busy and allows the mechanics and energy of the universe to flow through him. And it’s how he identifies: as a heavy metal rocker.

When we arrived at the Hilton here in the Back Bay yesterday, Christian wasn’t the only kid in the lobby with a guitar case. And when he sensed the competition, the mood of our trip took a turn I suspected it might: the fear of rejection set in. And with it came some pretty brutal self-talk for him, and some anger and righteous negativity.

It’s hard to watch your teen struggle—even when you know that struggle builds resilience and that stretch performances are the ones we’re often most proud of in life… regardless of the outcomes.

But as I stared at the ceiling this morning, wondering about the most beneficial words I could offer when the sun rises and the day demands a performance from him, I knew there was only one truth:

There is no amount of effort that results in acceptance.
Attraction is based on chemistry. On fit. On thousands of split-second impressions and biases and desires and beliefs.
Attraction is singular.
There is no normative definition of attractive. Or desirable. Or right.
The best we can do is to show ourselves. Completely. Truthfully.
And, if we have the juice, confidently.
The only way that someone will “choose” us is if they want what we have.
And what we have is what we have.

I’ve been where Christian is today. So have you, my friend. Every day, we put ourselves out there. We pitch “ideal” clients and speeches and PR opportunities. We submit proposals for projects and manuscripts to publishers. We meet people who we hope will become our friends or our lovers. We vie for opportunities be believe will change our lives. We produce content and wait for likes and shares and comments. We sell… and hope we’ll close.

Every day, we set ourselves up to be judged.

But when judgment time arrives, there is no amount of trying that will lead to acceptance.
There is only being.

And being, my friend, is something we manage to complicate, and muck up, and apologize for because we’re so damned worried that we’re not enough.

So today, when Christian wakes and we practice interview questions over room service bacon and eggs, it’s the “being” that I’ll gently invite him to consider. I’ll suggest that he not struggle for the “right” answers, but instead, share his own truth. And I’ll urge him to breathe deeply, begin to play, and invite the universe to flow through him as it’s wont to do… and be curious about how it all turns out.

The world is full of music schools. And musicians.
It’s full of chances and judgments and moments that feel like this is the only moment that will ever matter. Until the next one comes…

Christian was meant for greatness. And were you. And I. Each and every one of us was born to shine. We only need the courage to be exactly who we are, and allow the universe to play through us.

I hope you have a beautiful day of being. Of wonder. Of curiosity about how the universe can play through you.

And if you’ve got a little extra energy around noon Eastern time, please send it Christian’s way. Because while trying is over-rated, love and support are everything.

Straight from my mom heart,
Juju

P.S. If you want to hear more about attraction and acceptance and taking things in your business next-level, I’m hosting a LIVE MASTERCLASS next Wednesday at noon Pacific. I’ll talk about big, hairy-ass goals and why we have amazing visions that we never pursue. And I’ll show you what I’ve learned about putting yourself out there in a way where you won’t get eaten alive. Grab your seat here. So you can amplify your message… and find the folks in the world who most naturally want what you have.

I’d love to play a little game with you. I’ve played it with women around the world now, and I find that each and every time, there’s an a-ha moment for those who take me up on the challenge.

The instructions are simple:

In the comments below, tell me 10 things about yourself.

But before you do, check out the rules:

1. You may NOT mention any relationships in your life.
2. You may NOT mention any roles you play.
3. You may NOT mention any accomplishments you’ve had.
4. You may NOT mention anything you like or dislike.
5. You may NOT mention your education, upbringing, or experiences.

I want to know only about your ESSENCE.

I want to know WHO YOU ARE.

Your ESSENCE is your concentrated “flavor” or “scent.” It’s made up of the things you were born with. The things that are naturally and magnificently yours: your personality, your temperament, your gifts, your talents, your proclivities.

Your ESSENCE is also the very thing that will set you apart from everyone else competing in your field. It’s what will ATTRACT your ideal clients to you (they’ll be ideal, precisely because they’re attracted to an ESSENCE like yours).

The beautiful thing about ATTRACTION is that it’s a singular sensation, between two specific people. I am attracted to someone. Someone is attracted to me. This ATTRACTION is based, first and foremost, on ESSENCE.

No one has more ESSENCE or less ESSENCE. In the same way that Chanel perfume has no more or less ESSENCE than Dior perfume. They are simply DIFFERENT–comprised of a variety of elements drawn from nature, the combination of which makes an exclusive fragrance.

YOU have an exclusive ESSENCE.
It’s an ESSENCE that will automatically attract certain individuals. Just like perfume…
It’s powerful. It’s natural. It’s beautiful. It’s perfect.

When you come to understand that your ESSENCE is perfectly enough, you’ll take the first step in owning its power. And the first critical step in building a PERSONAL BRAND with the power of MASSIVE ATTRACTION.

Next Thursday, December 5, at 10:00 a.m. Pacific, I’m going to talk about ESSENCE in my ALL NEW MASTERCLASS ON PERSONAL BRANDING.
Click the link, reserve your seat, and meet me there. I want to see exactly what you’re made of.

Until then, tell me 10 things about yourself. And follow the rules.

Show me your ESSENCE. And I’ll show you your POWER.

P.S. Next Thursday’s masterclass will be like nothing you’ve ever heard on PERSONAL BRANDING. If you’re looking for the confidence and clarity to take everything in your business or profession next-level, then show up Thursday. You owe it to yourself, and to your ESSENCE.

When I was in my early 30’s, I traveled outside the US for the first time. I had recently fallen for Jan, who was visiting the US from Germany, and he’d returned home to Berlin after our “Summer of Love.” I followed, months later, to meet him on his turf.

I’d recently walked away from my career as a marketing executive and been through an ugly divorce. I was low on funds, but high on the idea of adventure.

My older brother, Ted, paid for my trip. He told me I should put on a backpack and go to Europe and see if Jan loved me as much as I loved him. And if he didn’t, I should jump on a train, see Europe, and have the time of my life. In order to hedge the bet, he also bought my mom a ticket to meet me in Amsterdam for her 60th birthday.

On that trip I fell even more deeply for Jan. But something else happened, too. I had a profound shift in the way I saw myself—and it was the beginning of me falling deeply in love… with me.

It happened at the Route 66 Coffee Shop on Enge Kerksteeg. It was there that my mom and I went each day so she could access her email (no smart phones in the late 90’s), and I could access my inner peace.

It was also at the Route 66 that a man who was the opposite of me in nearly every way pulled me aside and told me I was strikingly beautiful. And then he said a thing I never expected to hear in my life: he said I was exotic.

Exotic.

I’m from Dublin, Ohio, folks.
I literally grew up in a corn field.
I had frizzy hair and freckles.
My favorite food was peanut butter.

Lest you think me a fool, please know that I am aware (and was in the moment) that men say all kinds of things. And that this man may have, indeed, been entirely full of shit. But I also knew something for certain in the moment. He was attracted to me. And he did see me as something other than. Something exotic.

It was on this day that I had my first peek at an understanding that now sits at the core of my self-image, my confidence, and my self-love:

There is no normative definition of sexy, desirable, or attractive. There’s no scale, chart, rating, or definition.

We are attracted TO someONE.

SomeONE is attracted to us.

There are no “overall attractive” people. It’s singular. It’s case-by-case. It’s yours to have because you’re human.

We are sexy because we FEEL sexy. We emanate sexuality when we can accept ourselves enough to allow ourselves to feel it.

We are sexy TO someONE. SomeONE is sexy TO us. It’s a singular experience. It’s case-by-case. It’s yours to have because you’re human.

One of the most critical aspects of becoming love is feeling worthy enough to BE loved. And it’s been deeply ingrained in each of us that worthiness is tied to attractiveness. That we are worthy only when people “want” us.

What I learned at the Route 66 Coffee Shop—and spent the next ten years of my life confirming and rejoicing—is that I am attractive simply because I am human.

You know that phrase, “It’s happy hour somewhere?”

It’s the same with being exotic. We’re all exotic somewhere. And we’re all attractive…everywhere. By virtue of the fact that we live and breathe, we are worthy. We are desirable. We are, each and every one of us, rare, valuable gems.

You are perfectly attractive. You are perfectly sexy. Exactly as you are.

Don’t let the bullshitters, the soul-suckers, the misanthropes or those who project their insecurities drag you down. Do your thing. Strut your stuff. Get your groove on. Get your freak on.

Just reach in and get it. Because the moment you begin to really work it… you begin becoming love. It starts with you loving you. It’s starts with you realizing that you’re hot as hell.

From Vancouver with love,
Juju

P.S. I recently took a trip to Vancouver with Jan—who’s had my heart for 21 years—and the trip made me think about love from every angle. But most especially about becoming love, which inspired this series. You can read installment #1 here, and installment #2 here.

P.P.S If you’re struggling with self-love, becoming love, expressing love, or shifting love in your relationship, I’m here for you. I work with women every day to love themselves—so they can turn midlife into PrimeTime. So they can show themselves and be themselves and value themselves the way they SHOULD. If you’re ready for a little love, schedule a discovery call here.

Last week, I had a friend come to me for advice. She said:

“I’m going to pull my sister aside and tell her what I think about her new boyfriend. He’s not good enough for her. She’s settling. She needs to get out now, before it gets serious and she resigns herself to this kind of relationship forever. How do you think I should say it?”

I responded with my own question:

“Is your sister incapacitated?”

There was a bit of an uncomfortable silence before she asked, “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” I replied, “was there a Britney-Spears-type incident where your sister was deemed by a judge to be incapable of making rational decisions for herself, and you were assigned to step in?”

“Of course not!” She spat back, defensively. “But I love her. And I just want what’s best for her. And she can’t see the forest for the trees right now.”

“If you love her,” I replied, “you won’t tell her what’s best for her. You won’t give her any unsolicited advice at all. Instead, you’ll demonstrate that you trust and believe in her intuition and her ability to make great choices for herself. And you’ll support her in whatever decision she makes. And if that decision leads to a mess for her, you’ll support her while she cleans it up, without ridicule or critical commentary. Because that’s what love actually looks like.”

Last week I shared the first installment of From Vancouver with Love: Love Is a Practice. I talked about what’s driving nearly all of my big life choices and actions at the moment (spending the Endless Summer with my beloved, Jan), and about how I decided at some point in my life to become love.

I wrote this series–on a trip to Vancouver–because I get asked about love and relationships more than any other PrimeTime topic. Because everything ties back to love.

And because love is not something you find, get, receive, or give… it is something you become.

(And if you follow me for branding advice, know that as you build a personal brand and seek visibility, it’s imperative that you see, accept, and love yourself. And self-love, my beautiful friend, is inextricably tied to how you love others and how you live in love. So becoming love IS branding.)

But before you read ahead, you must know that you will not become love until you come to accept a single, fundamental truth:

You can only control or shape your own actions and intentions.
JUST. YOURS.

If you want to become love—and thereby live in love and reap the benefits of beautiful, healthy loving relationships—you must focus ONLY on yourself. Because attempting to affect the behavior of another is fruitless—and any outcomes you are anticipating as a result of a change in someone else’s behavior are utter fantasy.

If you can live with the idea that becoming love is something you first do alone so you can then rock your relationships with others, and you’d like the skinny on how to do that, then read on. Because the things I’m about to tell you are absolute game-changers.

First, love grows in safe spaces.

I want to say that again because it is the foundation of every other principle I will discuss:

Love grows in safe spaces.

If you make it safe for the people in your life to show themselves completely—to act or speak with the full knowledge that you will offer non-judgmental support—you will consistently facilitate a process of expansion. Your love can grow. Your relationships can become love.

But if you do the opposite—if you respond to their words or deeds with critical feedback, condescension, unwanted advice, disdain, flowing negative commentary, or even worse, indifference—you will make it unsafe for them. Or, if you later use the information they share against them (or throw in back in their faces when it’s convenient for you to prove a point) you will make it unsafe for them. And love cannot grow in an unsafe space. Your relationships cannot become love.

This first step in becoming love is so simple it almost sounds stupid:
Stop telling other people what to do.

This applies to your partner, for sure. But it also applies to your friends, family members, adult children, neighbors, the other moms on the PTA, and the lady in front of you in line at the grocery store. This may be harsh—but I’m gonna give it to you straight—if you find yourself consistently telling other people what to do (or thinking to yourself about what they should do, or gossiping to someone else about what they should do) then you, my friend, are the problem.

Unsolicited advice is a love-killer.

It’s the world’s biggest turn-off. It does not lead to expansion…it leads to people closing themselves off, shutting you out, and walking away.

Now, look. I know this is not easy. And I know because, for many years, I was a bossy-ass-mo-fo. And it kept me from being love. It kept me in a place of judgy self-importance and constant disappointment. It separated me from the love I so desperately wanted.

Kicking the unsolicited-advice-habit to the curb gets infinitely easier when you face the truth: telling other people what to do (or how to do it) will never get you what you want.

This is not advice for raising toddlers. I’m talking about love relationships with grown-ass humans, here. And the single best thing about being a grown-up is not having other people tell you what to do. So unless you are also your partner’s direct supervisor in an assembly line job, or unless he or she specifically asks you for advice, it is not your place to offer direction.

You may truly, firmly believe that you know better than your partner, your friend, or your adult child how he or she should slay the day, accomplish goals, raise kids, complete home chores, dress her/himself, or conduct a discussion.

But when you tell another adult what to do or how to do it, you send an enormous message of disrespect. Because every piece of unsolicited advice is loaded with a hidden message:

“In my opinion, you are not qualified to make your own decisions.”

Or, worse yet, “I am smarter and more competent than you. This is not a partnership because we are not equal.”

And where becoming love is concerned, that kind of hidden message is a hard no.

Practicing this first step to becoming love is easier if you take time to understand a super basic concept: you were given a single life to lead. And every grown human you meet was also given a single life to lead. So if you are leading yours, and you’re ALSO leading theirs…
Well, I trust you can see where I’m going with this.

I talk to women who live by the enduring belief that if they stop telling everyone what to do, their lives will devolve into utter chaos. That they are the glue that’s holding everyone and everything together. These women live in a perpetual state of fantasy that is the opposite of love.

If you believe that things will fall apart if others do not bend to your will, I lovingly invite you to practice the first step in becoming love:
Stop telling other people what to do.

At this point you may be thinking, Juju, if I cannot tell people what to do–if I cannot provide feedback, advice, commentary, seemingly-helpful instruction, or what feels like rational evaluation—in order to grow love, what can I do?

And luckily, the answer is simple.

You can simply be quiet. Say nothing. Sing Bohemian Rhapsody in your mind or recite the Pledge of Allegiance silently when the urge to interject strikes.

Or, when your beloved (your partner, friend, adult child…) shares with you, ask them specific questions that make them feel safe and allow you to practice becoming love. Questions like this:

**Is there something I can do for you?
**Are you asking me for my opinion? Or would you simply like to vent?
**How can I help you?
**How can I best be here for you?
**How can I have your back?

Or, you can provide statements that demonstrate support and trust, without condition:

**You’ve got this.
**Trust your gut. Your intuition is strong.
**I’ll be here for you, whatever you decide.
**I’m Team (their name).
**I love you so much.
**Thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me.

When you ask these questions or make these statements, you HONOR and RESPECT the person in front of you. You make it safe for them. And love grows in safe spaces.

Remember this: awareness is the first and most significant step in any type of change. So if you’re working to become love, for the next 24 hours shift your focus to this issue. Become laser-focused on your words, deeds, and thoughts—and see how often unsolicited advice makes its way into your conversations.

And if this speaks to you, then kindly watch your inbox. Tomorrow, I’m going to share STEP 2 for becoming love.

With love, from Vancouver,
Juju

P.S. If you’re working on love in PrimeTime and want to work with me directly, click here to see what other women say about the process, and schedule a Discovery Call. Becoming love is a process. And when someone has your back, you can go further, faster, with greater confidence. And I’d love to have your back.

If you follow me on social media, then you know that I’ve been in Vancouver with Jan—the love of my life and the hottest, hunkiest, smartest, most intriguing human I’ve ever met. July 1st marked 21 years since the day I first set eyes on Jan. And to this day, every time he walks through the door I get the same feeling I did that first day: I want to be with him.

It’s no accident that I still feel this way. He’s still amazing. But there’s something more driving it: I want to feel this way. I relish feeling this way.

So I practice.

The Vancouver trip was also planned as practice—for both Jan and me. We’re practicing our “why.” Our dream. The seemingly crazy (but increasingly probable) future life-state we’ve meticulously planned in bars, coffee shops, and rainy afternoons wrapped up in one another on the living room couch. Vancouver is our first official practice session for (drumroll, please…): THE ENDLESS SUMMER.

In September 2020, Christian will be off to college (God and the Cornish College of the Arts admissions board willing). And Jan and I will be in PrimeTime in an entirely new way. We’ll be alone again. Like we were for those first three years—more than 18 years ago—when we first met. Like we were on my first trip to visit him in Berlin, when we sat in the smoky darkness of Reinhard’s Otello Bar near the River Spree and stared at one another over glasses of Berliner Pilsner while planning our next move…

The present plan is this: the moment Christian is safe and snug in his Seattle dorm room, Jan and I will be on a plane to our first “longish-term” destination. We haven’t decided exactly which city we’ll initially call home, but we have a fairly well-developed list of initial options: Barcelona, Lisbon, New York City, Sydney, Berlin. You can be sure of one thing, though. Wherever we go, it will be sunny and warm. Because the plan is to chase the SUMMER.

Nearly everything we do and every decision we make right now is in service of the ENDLESS SUMMER. In service of living two or three months at a time in different cities where the sun is shining, and long pants are optional, and we can focus on loving life and one another. My entire business has been designed to facilitate the ENDLESS SUMMER.

Why are we practicing?

Because, like every PrimeTime couple in the world with teenage kids, it’s been for-frickin-ever since we’ve lived alone. It’s been what feels like an eternity since it was just about “us.” Because out of the 21 years we’ve been together, 18 of them have been focused on the other human in our house… the one who’s needed guidance, love, attention, money, school supplies, healthy meals (OMG—they need three-a-day for so long), a more-than-occasional kick in the pants or lesson about the realities of life, and the lion’s share of our time and energy.

But more than that, because LOVE, in and of itself, is a practice. It’s like playing the guitar or speaking French or public speaking. The more you do it, the better you get. The more you focus on it, the more skilled and committed you become. The more you master the fundamentals, the nuance, the rhythm, the cadence, the range, the depth and breadth of feeling… the more you enjoy what you make out of it.

Love is a practice. And as Christian starts his senior year of high school, we are practicing like mo-fo’s over here. Rehearsing for the big show…

Somewhere along my way in life, I decided to do love well. I realized it made me deliriously happy—loving and being loved—and I made a choice to master it. I was not always good at it. As a young woman I was needy, co-dependent, manipulative, and filled with self-loathing. So the choice to master love was a bold one. But I weighed the options and determined that the reward was worth the risk involved… and that I would love as many people as I could as hard as I could for as long as I could. And I made the even bolder choice to ALLOW myself to be loved in return.

It was the single best choice I ever made. And today, I can say with total honesty, that loving is my most well-developed skill.

Lots of PrimeTime women talk to me about love. About dating. About marriage. About friendship. About parenting. About building tribes and making loving connections with their brands and businesses. About giving love and FEELING WORTHY TO RECEIVE IT. Love—in some form or another—floats to the top of nearly every coaching call or strategy session I have.

So in this, my next series of messages to you, I want to talk about LOVE in all its forms.

Because love, my friend, is not something you find. It’s not something you fall into. It’s not something you receive. It’s something you BECOME. And PrimeTime is the perfect time to BECOME someone new.

Love is a practice.
How many hours will you put in today?

With love, from Vancouver.
Juju

Turning pro is a mindset. If we are struggling with fear, self-sabotage, procrastination, self-doubt, etc., the problem is, we’re thinking like amateurs. Amateurs don’t show up. Amateurs crap out. Amateurs let adversity defeat them. The pro thinks differently. He shows up, he does his work, he keeps on truckin’, no matter what.
–Steven Pressfield

On Friday I reached out to my coach in a moment of total weakness and vulnerability. I told her I was lazy and undisciplined. I asked her if she could give me some exercises to fix it. To FINALLY help me turn my life around so I wouldn’t procrastinate any more.

She chuckled. Not really AT me. But sort of under her breath.

And then she sent me an email with a detailed list of all of the things I’d completed in the seven days prior. The list included a huge push to complete a bunch of projects in advance, so I could have sinus surgery. Then actual surgery. Then a big push (post-surgery) to prepare our house for a German family coming to stay. Then the actual hosting of that family. And in between, all of my coaching calls and daily work activities (which I’d completed while I was at about 50% power).

After that, she contacted me through messenger and asked if I still wanted to talk about how lazy and undisciplined I am.

And then I chuckled.

But this is how it happens for me (and I know I’m not the only one):

I set incredible expectations for myself with arbitrary deadlines that border on the ridiculous. And then I wake up and flog myself because I don’t meet them.

I look away from my work for more than a day or two, and it feels like I’ve been gone forever and the sky is falling and I have to start from scratch.

I begin a project and expect IMMEDIATE results. And when I don’t see them, I begin to catalog the reasons why I am a loser.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I’M A COACH.
I help OTHER people deal with this kind of shit.

But here’s what I know: these self-judgments that I’m lazy, undisciplined, unruly, uncommitted, less productive than other people… they are the GRAND CANYON for me. These stories are so deep and so dark (and developed over the course of so many years in my life) that if I’m not careful, I can fall right into them and get lost for days.

You may not play THESE particular stories on a continuous loop as I do in dark moments. Yours may be that you’re a quitter. Or you’re not creative. Or you don’t fit in. Or you’re anal-retentive and anxious. Or you’re unattractive and irritating. Or any number of other nasty self-assessments that bear very little resemblance to the truth.

It doesn’t matter what they are. For you or for me. It only matters that each of us has her own Grand Canyon. And each of us walks dangerously close to the edge from time to time.

You know what else I know? These stories are not going away. The little voice in my head that prattles on about me being a whole lotta nothing is part of me. She’s a bitchy little thing. But she’s all mine.

Thankfully (for you and for me), there’s a third thing I know: over time, we can practice and develop a mindset that will lift us like a rescue helicopter OUT of that Grand Canyon, and set us right back to safety. Far enough away from the edge that we can run and skip again.

That mindset is required in order for us to build big brands.

In order for us to show ourselves completely.

In order for us to be seen and heard without cracking wide open.

In order for us to stay in the game—to show up for more again and again when things don’t go exactly as planned.

In order for us to go NEXT LEVEL.

BRANDING IS AN ACT OF BRAVERY.

If you’re getting lost in your own Grand Canyon, I want you to meet in Mission Bay, San Diego in October for the PrimeTime Essence Experience. I wanna talk about the mindset. The one that’s gonna be your rescue helicopter.

So you can put yourself out there for everyone to see. Even on the days you want to jump.

I love you so.
Juju

Last night I became transfixed by a new series on Showtime about the music producer, Rick Rubin. The four-part series is named for his ethereal Malibu, California studio, Shangri-La, which has served as a “blank slate” for musical brilliance since the late 1960’s.

I was hooked in the first five minutes. And three hours past my bedtime, I was disappointed when it ended.

Rick Rubin has been a fixture in the music that’s defined my life. He made records with LL Cool J, Run DMC, The Cult, The Black Crowes, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Mick Jagger, Tom Petty, Johnny Cash, AC/DC, Nine-Inch Nails, Sheryl Crow (and that’s just a sampling from four of the forty years he’s been producing.) He has an undefinable gift—an extraordinary talent—for facilitating self-development in artists.

In a nutshell, he creates space and a carefully-crafted environment for artists to be their “best selves.”

In an interview with LL Cool J (who still—after thirty years—can smile and cause my heart to skip a beat), Rick Rubin says something so eloquently simple about the creative process that I rewound it and listened again and again. Here’s the exchange:

 L Cool J: What increases the chances of writing a great song?

Rick Rubin:

Just practice. And being diligent in the process of always looking. Always looking for the next best song. Not thinking, OK, I need 10 songs, I’m gonna write ten songs. You might need to write 50. You may need to write a thousand to find ten good ones. It’s like fishing. You can’t say you’re gonna catch fish. But you can show up and fish every day, and your chances get better. The more you fish, the more fish you’ll catch.”

This fishing mindset? It’s everything when it comes to putting yourself out there and connecting with your audience. EVERYTHING.

If you show up to fish every day, you’ll dramatically increase your chances of connecting with those you want to serve. Of “catching” their attention, and touching their hearts.

I created THE PRIMETIME ESSENCE EXPERIENCE—my October branding retreat—as a PREMIUM, EXCLUSIVE FISHING EXPEDITION.

It will be right here—on San Diego’s Mission Bay, surrounded by a group of amazing PrimeTime talents, and inspired by love, expert training, and carefully crafted exercises–that you’ll encounter an impeccable space and ideal environment to BRAND YOUR HEART AND SOUL.

It’s a full three-days of the most SPECTACULAR kind of fishing…

Showing up.

Putting yourself in the creative flow.

Being present to acts of bravery by PrimeTime women.

Diving into a community of support and encouragement.

Developing stories that truly engage your prospects.

Getting in touch with your true essence so you can attract your most ideal clients.

Opening your mind and heart to how you’re utterly, fantastically different.

Coming to grips with the size of your own potential, and a vision for bringing it to the world.

Practicing the sales process and falling in love with the act of bringing on new clients.

Give a woman a fish, and she’ll grill it with lemon and capers for an awesome dinner…

Teach her to fish, and she’ll increase her level of visibility, influence, impact, and income… forever and ever.

Grab your spot at THE PRIMETIME ESSENCE EXPERIENCE

But do it today. Because EARLY BIRD PRICING ENDS THIS WEEK and there are only 50 TOTAL SEATS AVAILABLE

You don’t want to miss out on the best fishing this season.

I can’t wait to help you be your very best self.

Straight from the heart,

Juju